So at the CWC, I've somehow gained the reputation of being mean and scary. T. has had to to assure several staff members that I don't hate them. I've heard this sort of thing before about the way I come across to people, so I'm not totally surprised, but I've never heard these comments with such frequency. It might be the scowl, it might be my distaste for small talk, I'm not really sure. I do have a few theories, but they would take far too long to explain. Regardless of the cause, pretty much every staff member at the CWC has at some point thought that I was scary. My supposed scariness is now a topic of open discussion, so much so that new employees are assured in advance that I am not mean.
Last night was my farewell party with the c-dubbers, where of course my meany-meanness was the subject of conversation and laughter. I asked our newest employee (a Marine who did two tours in Iraq) whether he also thought I was scary. "Not really," he said. "But I fought terrorists."
Well, there you go.
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I was just talking about how various acquaintances and students have told me I'm intimidating. One student told me I was intimidating because I "seem to know a lot." (And how could I teach if I didn't?) But then he told me I had lettuce in my teeth. How can I be intimidating when I have food in my teeth?
Another person told me she didn't want to come through my line at the food co-op where I worked because I was intimidating. Again, why? But I think it worked out for me, because at work I could stand and drink coffee while other people actually worked.
Bitch is the new black!
Also, I don't think you're scary. You're just not fake nice, which is why I like you.
Is it lame to say that I also worried that you didn't like me? But I worry about that kind of thing a lot, so I thought that it was just me. This post completely cracked me up, especially the tag. You just keep on with that demeanor you have--it is part of your whole gestalt, your ethos, your mystique and your charm. That, and your tattoo, and your stripey socks, you terrorist you.
I'm kind of fascinated with this issue: how we are perceived and whether we should or even can do anything about it. I've often been accused of coming off as unfriendly which bothers me because I don't feel unfriendly. It's probably my shy/initially reserved self which creates this perception.
Should we then change these behaviors if we even really could? I don't know; probably not. My guess is that in general these behaviors create the very kind of environment we are comfortable with. They must work on some level, right? We are doomed to misunderstand one another...I will shut up now as I'm also accused of taking something that is potentially humorous and light and making it all serious and depressing.
p.s. I love love the title of this post
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