trucker hats are for truckers

Since I made my students write commentaries this weekend, I was planning to write my own (a good, humbling, teacher exercise to remind me what it feels like to be a student); however, I spent too much time responding to their drafts of last week and I didn't get it done. Even though I didn't get the thing written, I did spend much of the weekend ruminating about my topic of choice: trucker hats.

Who decided these mesh and foam monstrosities were cool? Trucker hats should only be worn by truckers! What I find particularly offensive about trucker hats worn by non-truckers is that they never fit. They are worn with an extra inch between skull and brim (apparently held aloft by hair?). A former student of mine often wore a trucker hat, and I could barely make out her eyes under the puffy cap. If you are not a trucker and you still want to wear the hat, I think it's ok only if you can answer yes to one of the following questions:

• Do you regularly incorporate words like "breaker" and "10-4" into your sentences?
• Is your name Large Marge, Pig Pen, or Dick Simon?
• Do you watch Convoy every Labor Day?
• Have you ever worshipped at a Transport for Christ Mobile Chapel?
• Do you own a copy of C.W. McCall's Greatest Hits? (bonus point if you have it on 8-track).
• Was The Wichita Lineman your wedding song?

Any suggestions for additional trucker hat integrity questions?

See the following website for guidelines on how to construct your own trucker hat and reclaim the trend from the indie hipster mainstream: http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030701.htm