Imagine a woman who dislikes treadmills. She wants motion, not just the illusion of motion. But more than that, she is afraid of treadmills. It is unnatural--moving, but not moving. And imagine this woman in a hotel, in a strange city, in need of exercise. The woman makes three mistakes:
1. Rather than going outside to run like she ought to, she opts for the hotel exercise room.
2. In the exercise room, she has two options: a stationary bicycle or a treadmill. She decides to face her fear of treadmills.
3. She forgets about an important principle called velocity.
Now picture this: The woman programs the treadmill and begins to walk. She wants to run, but the treadmill is going too slow. So, she increases the speed. Still not fast enough. She increases the speed a little more. And more. And more. Soon she is at a good pace for her run. But the ground beneath her feet begins to move faster. And faster. And faster. Soon, the ground beneath her feet is moving faster than her legs can actually move. She decreases the speed. But nothing happens--at least not fast enough to to prevent the mismatch between the speed of her legs and the ground beneath her feet. She is too panicked to push the pause button on the control panel or the stop button that's on the handrail at her side. No, those bright red buttons are just too obvious. I won't tell you the rest of the tale, as I am sure you already have the frightful image in your head.
Some of you may remember my telling you about the road burn from the 4th of July road race. This is much worse (although, happily, confined to one bruised up knee).
Sometimes, it is a good idea to face your fears and overcome their burden. But there are some things you should be afraid of: grizzly bears, semi-trucks driving the wrong way in your lane, treadmills.
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7 comments:
I've always thought the treadmill was stupid. Why do we need to mak a machine to help us do what we already do naturally? Even more bizarre, why do some people pay so much money for these machines?
I agree with anonymous, though: your words are powerful and you use them wisely. You are a winner too! I think that ought to be somewhere as a tag line for your blog.
don't be too dismayed: I've taken many a fall off my treadmill. Once when I was trying simulate uphill running during the winter, I put my treadmill up on stacks of 4 2X4s. At about an hour in of high intensity work, I just kind of couldn't keep up anymore and got shot out the end. Not fun.
NOTE to MB: my treadmill is $200 refurbished one and I've had it now for almost a decade.
The only thing funnier than slipping on a banana peel or getting hit on the backside by a board is falling prey to the out-of-control treadmill.
Except in real life, of course.
(But we can laugh about it now that it's over).
Am I the only one (besides Ron) who will defend the treadmill? It may be a poor alternative to the road, but when it's snowing out, I'll take the treadmill over running outside wearing ten pounds of expensive running gear. I don't love the treadmill, but it will do in a pinch.
the treadmill deserves no defense--evil machine!
one of my best friends from adolescence loved seeing a good fall. We haven't talked in years, but when I fell on the treadmill, I found myself wishing she were around--really missing her--because I knew she'd appreciate the moment better than anyone else.
I am afraid of Britney Spears.
I don't think the treadmill is evil; something that can cause so much comedy (not just yours, but in general) cannot be all bad.
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